GB!

i've been on an old school kick lately. i'm packing and organizing all my cds but i'm very distracted. how come you never told me american steel ruled so much. it will be september in 30 minutes, and then i can say "NEXT MONTH I WILL FEST!" but until then

i can't believe the things we say

cant you learn to take a fucking joke

i'm checking out

WHOA, what a trip. taylor kreuzberger ended up coming down from sonoma to hang out last night. mackenzie stole more vodka which makes me question her sanity. i definitely did not touch that bottle of bullshit. i saw hot water music, and they really really rocked. i took BART from walnut creek and it took me about an hour to get to powell st. then i was so disoriented and get lost a few times walking back and forth on o'farrel trying to find larkin. some dude totally threw me in the wrong direction. i stopped to eat dinner at this pakistani place and had my favorite aloo palak. delicious. the walk was kind of shady, at least for santa fe girl over here. seeing coke all over the carpet in this doorstep off the street. never in santa fe. i tried to ask this woman for directions and she completely ignored me, i figured she thought i was trying to get some spare change, GOD FORBID! fuck you woman. in the red was alright, they kind of tried to force us to enjoy them which was a shame. you can't force fun. mike park ruled. what an awesome dude. and so humble despite everything he has done for punk rock today. he even played a cover of "the crowd" by operation ivy. he came down from the stage to do that. the venue was kind of disappointing, it was just a ballroom, but fucking gigantic. sound sucked. i couldn't hear vocals very well at all. in between in the red and mike park i met this cute british guy who has been traveling around the states for a while. his favorite hot water music album was caution. he went crazy for strike anywhere. i tried to like them. i tried very hard. i just can't do it. SO NEXT WAS HOT WATER MUSIC. they started playing all this flamenco stuff when they went on stage. we were being filmed the whole time, and having photos taken. i was at the front, but the stage was so high, almost up to my neck. it strained your neck to look up at the band for that long. people crowd surfing. it's been a long time since i've been at a show where people were enthusiastic enough to do that. or allowed to. i realize it is no longer 1981 and punk rock is not like it was, i mean i guess i realize this but i would never really know. bad scene, everyone's fault. i got fairly beat up and i'm pretty sore right now, which is always just a reminder days later of an awesome show from days past. they totally ruled, they played almost all of my favorite songs. they played "manual" and it was glorious. encore shmencore. played late, until 11:47. i had to get a cab to take me back to walnut creek because BART would be closed by the time i got to the station. i called mackenzie and said i'd pay her $20 for gas if she came and got me but wouldn't, how frustrating, so i hailed a cab and he charged me $93 plus the $12 tip i gave him because driving that far sucks. and i don't really know what cab tips are supposed to be like. i finally get back to the motel shhix and meet up with kenze and taylor and we hang out go to jack in the box eat good curly fries and head back. then mackenzie leaves for the night and taylor stays with me, but mackenzie, the next morning, i don't know what was up with this but she kept saying her dad was making her clean her room and do chores for hours. sounded like bullhonkey to me. taylor and i ended up going to berkeley and exploring. i bought some kickass animal stickers and some MORE vinyl, and taylor and i both got bracelets. then ate falafel and came back. then i raced to get my bags and get back on bart after taylor went home so i could catch my flight. i got there 20 minutes before scheduled departure. what a relief. read cometbus listening to pissed jeans and hot water music the entire flight back. i think aaron cometbus has made me realize many things. i forgot about who i was. this is hard to explain. but read this zine. plus i love hearing greyhound stories, they never grow old. hopefully someday i will have some of my own that don't end with my demise, with like a displaced head or something. and now after a solid length of a hydroplane back to rainy santa fe i am ready to start thinking

hungry for MORE

tomorrow i return to santa fe. BUT FIRST. tonight i'm seeing hot water music! and strike anywhere. who can suck my dick. and in the red, who i've never heard of but apparently they're playing the fest too. and mike park. (he's the asian man) so i'll be departing on my adventure to the heart of san francisco in a few hours. i need to get some CASH though, gotta remember, in case i need to take a cab home. "home" AND tonight taylor is coming down from sonoma to hang out with me and mackenzie and i haven't seen her in 6 months. I'M SO EXCITED!!! today is awesome day. last night i was drunk and i think i took a walk in my socks cause now they're dirty socks and they're brand new and i'm bummed but it can't ruin awesome day

HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN

i have one hell of a month ahead of me. i'm going to make a vague itinerary for my own organizational sake. currently i am at a motel 6 in walnut creek, california. yesterday i went out when mackenzie had to work and took mister BART all the way to the mission neighborhood and walked around there for a bit. i met an old man with an organic television and he put on a politically charged and good humored puppet show for me. then i had the most epic falafel ever, a "falafel deluxe," which i chose over a "falafel regular." it came with eggplant and potatoes and onions and spicy sauce and cucumbers and was a brick. and i drowned slowly. then i walked around eating this thing and put the rest back in my purse. (YEAH I HAVE A PURSE WELL IT'S A BAG OK) next i found this really cool D.I.Y. store with all kinds of zines and books and clothes and some local music i had never really heard of and cool art. i bought an archive of the first 20 years of cometbus, and i've been slowly making my way through it. awesome. it is. so then i went (and i think all of these events are out of order, i think cometbus came before falafel, but does it look like i care?) and saw WARCHILD, which was a bosnian/german film about this woman who lost her child in the war in the 90s and she goes out to find her... and i won't ruin the rest but it was pretty good. so then i headed back. cool deal.

and now for my MASTER PLAN:

so i get back late on the 29th. hope wants to meet up with me in el paso for our juarez escapade. i would want to go straight from albuquerque, spend the night there at someone's house, and drive down 4 hours the next morning. but i don't have my passport, so i'd have to drive an hour north to my house and then 5 hours south. 2 hours out of the way. but i need a passport so it's what i gotta do. i think we will be spending the weekend there. just a few days.

then i must pack like crazy for school. in the span of 4 days. (does that make sense? i speak good english, i swear)
boring boring boring will probably forget very important things lalalala oi
and maybe zozobra but it kind of sucks and i hate drunk teenagers (like myself) so why would i go

SEPTEMBER 7TH i drive up to denver all alone which i am stoked for because driving alone is pretty pretty good. hot water music that night! then i guess i am caravaning with noah and mike but i don't know the deal, maybe go to sedona and the grand canyon and the greater regions of utah and then through nevada... i kind of wanted to see if i could stop wherever jackson is in california, arcata i think, and see him... so we'll see. i want to get to manda's around the 15th so i can chill out for a few days before i have to deal with all this crazy shit i'm going to have to deal with like meeting new people, how daunting.

and hopefully sometime all the time everytime i go to seattle i can chill with cassie because she is the shark pants


i wanted to add something
a deep fear of mine
is that someone will be using my computer and go on dictionary.com and look at all the words i've looked up and be like "what the hell she didn't know what eradicate meant until recently?"

yeah.

oh the irony of being in big sur with my father.

i feel insecure lately. or embarrassed. i kind of hate myself right now. for the past week. whatever, hopefully this will pass soon.

i went to cannery row today and there were no friendly chinese grocers nor a bustling whorehouse. damn

,,,brah

DUDE. totally just got back from CHINE. was definitely one of the best experiences of my life. i was with a lot of intelligent people and it was really refreshing. it was kind of weird, actually, to be around people where we don't end up talking about UNBELIEVABLY DANK ELECTRIC BONGS by the end of every conversation. every time i travel i am reminded about how much i love to travel. when i'm at home for a while i tend to forget this. i will continue to pursue my interest of history and anthropology this fall. so yeah, not taking the "imagining the body" program anymore. although gender studies, sociology and psychology are very relevant, no denying. plus when i travel i have escaped american society. i've noticed when i'm in the states i always end up looking at people and being able to classify them so easily. of course mine is sheer judgement and it's most likely callous and harsh, wrong too, but people do do this to themselves. maybe it is just this town. arid arid arid arid town. i've been a hermit for the past week or so. I'M ON A WEE THREAD. so fuck the world. i feel really awesome. i think i have changed a lot over the past six weeks. i'm at ease, it seems. holding onto myself until it's time to move out. i feel less awkward, to say the least. and more comfortable. like all these past years i've been wishing that things were like this and now they are and it's unusual. i think i learned a lot about myself in china. more than i ever learned at uinta. i guess it clicked. it's pretty hard to describe, kind of fantastic, i don't know. maybe it will last. maybe it will burn out. next summer i'm thinking some epic traveling will ensue. buddy?

I AM EXCITED FOR LIFE:
- camp with noah and michael in the woods tomorrow
- ben's wedding / THE OCEAN IN BIG SUR
- san francisco with mackenzie / HOT WATER MUSIC
- HOT WATER MUSIC in denver
- road trip to manda's on my own!
- OLYMPIA AHOY / learn shit about cool shit / stealing boats and smellin salty again
- 5985908332 awesome shows because bands actually tour the northwest
- THE FUCKING FEST FEST FEST FEST THE FEST THE FEST I LOVE YOU hell yeah :)